January 2025
Hello Dear Reader // Hoi lieve lezer,
Thanks for subscribing to our Kaapsche Hollandsche Monthly Table Talk.
Last month (click here) you could read all about how to make Oliebollen, a typical Dutch year-end-treat.
In this month’s Table Talk we speak about cultivating friendships over the years.
My High School friend Francy and her husband came over to visit me from The Netherlands this December / January.
In the Netherlands; as a 16 and 17 year old we cycled to school every day. (NB not on e -bikes).
On the road with pumping Dutch “tegenwind” and lots of time to chat, we became best friends.
After school we each studied in different places and both of us made new friends.
But there is no friend like the old friends we made in life.
They know you so well. From the days of pimples, insecurities and “kalverliefde” to driving licences, sleep overs, holidays and family drama.
How did we get it right?
Over all these years we did not phone every week or month. We just picked up where we had left.
No guilt trips or emotional blackmail; Friendship runs on the fuel of shared enjoyment, not by way of contract or debt or familial duty.
Just picking up where we left the last time we saw each other.
We are at the brink of celebrating 40 years of friendship.
Did it always go well?
No, it did not.
We do have a big gap where we did not have any contact.
But one of us made the first move to pick up the friendship and we had a good heart to heart.
Life is precious and friends are treasures.
It is not so much the time that you spend together but rather the quality of heart and shared memories that count.
Pick up the phone and make a date with your old friend.
Who knows what treasure you will discover again.
Cultivating your friendships involves:
-actively seeking out shared interests, (I come to visit you!)
-practicing open communication,
-showing empathy and support,
-spending quality time together,
-being a good listener, -respecting boundaries, and -taking initiative to reach out and make plans,
-essentially building a foundation of trust and vulnerability to foster deep connections with each other.
In addition we have the friendship killers too.
Female friendship grows in a particular kind of soil prone to particular weeds — envy, flattery, rivalry, pretense, deceit, complaining, and gossip, to name a few.
Specifically rivalry — a competitive urge to be or do better than my friend.
This ugly thing sinks ships faster than loose lips.
We all have to face deep valleys and high peaks over the course of our lives.
If we are to love friends in the valleys, we must not be selfish; if we are to love friends on the peaks, we must not be envious.
Let’s rather celebrate the friends in our lives, hear their stories and become like sisters not rivals.
It’s a privilege to call someone friend — and still more to be called it in return.
Start making memories around your table, it will make you truly rich!
Met liefde,
Nelleke van Heerden
